Ontario

There's a feeling I get only when I travel. I never feel it on other days; days that don't involve a plane. But every single time I get on a plane and leave a place, it comes back.

I tried to put it into words on Sunday morning when I was waiting at the airport with Jordan at 5am for my flight but nothing seemed to justify it. But it's something like this:

I feel very much relieved from every situation I have ever felt trapped in. I feel like an independent body. I feel free and yet trapped, but hopeful. I feel that situations and circumstances that once rose against me become so meaningless when I am in the air; when I am in transition from one place to another. Every thing I felt trapped by, an awkward situation or a job that I suffered through, they all seem so inconsequential and insignificant. They melt away and become as small as the houses beneath me. No soul-tie and hold me up there. I feel like anything is possible, any life, any location, it all seems within reach. I feel trapped by myself, that no matter where I go, no matter how far away from the place that shaped me, I am always who I am. I feel irrevocably like myself. I feel mortal and the brevity of life with each cloud we tear through. I feel a false sense, and I forget that it is false, that I am in control. I pick where I go. I chose to go and to come and to be. I chose it, it was not forced upon me. I am not trapped to do any of those things but I chose to. I feel temporarily in control of my life.

I feel something like this every time I get on a plane. These days are gems and I really wanted to write down the feeling because it really is wonderful. And I don't know if I really quite got it, but I hope to try and feel that way more often.