There are a lot of things I'm going to miss about Vancouver. I love the weekly poetry slams and the amazing environmentally supportive coffee shops that litter the city. I love the way Van embraces music and the arts. I love that everyone has a unique style here and that people aren't afraid to be weird or different. I love my friend and roommate. I love my new friends and I like my job. I love the way that everything is just a walk away and the way that most people in the city are really friendly. I love the way that people cram together in buses and come eye to eye with one another, instead of spending the trip to work in isolation in their cars. I love my apartment and my makeshift bed. I love walking through Granville Island and experiencing the beauty that only God can make.
I really like living in Vancouver.
But on a night like this, when I'm alone and I don't want to be. When all I can think about is having a glass of wine with my mom, or having an amazing conversation at cell, or looking forward to my christian family being there every sunday, or watching God's spirit move in my family, in ways that I never thought possible, when I think about these, everything else just seems unimportant. When I think about the way that Molly's face lights up when she sees me and Maysa screams my name and runs over to give me a hug, and the way that Modi always has something to share with me, I realize how much my heart aches to have those kids back in my life.
I know I said all of this before but tonight I needed to write it out again and remember that it's only a few short weeks until I get to hug my mom, and the kids, and tell the girls at church how much they mean to me, and stand next to my community in worship at church. Only a few short weeks until I get to put everything I've learned out here into action. I can't wait.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Vancouver
I've only been away from home for about 2 months, and I learned that I would rather see my mom's first drama at our church, then be in an Olympic city during the Olympics.
I've learned that I can live without many things but there are a few things, that my heart is aching for here. God has been showing me what is really important in my life. I spent so much time at home complaining about my family and my small town and my general life that I forgot to see how beautiful parts of it are.
I have some really really amazing friends at home. And rather than being with them, I spend a lot of time sitting around my apartment doing absolutely nothing. Jordan is one of the busiest people I know. She goes to school full time and works 30 hours a week. She is in one of the healthiest relationships I have ever seen, and she is usually up until 2 am working on homework for school. She has no time. And so I spend my days either at work, or alone. I haven't been able to find a church out here and I can feel the huge difference in myself from being away from the amazing church community I had at home.
God is redeeming my family. I can see it. It's happening so slowly that sometimes I loose hope and I give up, but God is showing me through my step dad that no one is too far to turn to Him. My parents have become different people in the last few months. Dave has started going to NAC on Sundays with my Mom, who recently connected with the leader of the drama department at NAC and is able to use her years of acting school to benefit the Kingdom. She feels fufilled and Dave can see the change in her. 5 years ago, I was the only Christian in a family full of people that mocked me for it every day. Today, two members of that family want to learn more, one gave her life to Christ and was baptised last summer, and I can see that Dave is finding God in his life.
I learned that I would rather sit in my old kitchen having late night conversations with my mom, than sit on my free couch in my nice apartment watching tv. I learned that something big is missing from my life when I don't have the oppurtunity to work with children. I learned that some friends are too valuable to leave behind, even when surrounded by other great friends. I learned that a real community is hard to find and worth fighting for. I learned that my life, for all the griping and whining I've done about it, is really pretty great at home. I learned that my heart won't be satisfied until I get my feet back on the ground in Africa, and there really aren't any substitutes for that.
It's funny that I was so stubborn that God needed to bring me all the way accross the country to realize these things. But I am so thankful that I finally listened to Him. At the risk of looking flaky, I am going to be moving home at the end of next month. I know an amazing family that is looking for a full time live in Nanny in Newmarket and I'm going to be looking for something similar. Its going to be important to have my own space after living on my own for 3 months, so I'm really looking forward to seeing what God provides.
The truth is that I've been feeling this call back to Ontario for a while and I ignored it because I was worried that people at home would think I was flaky, but I know that what's happening between me and God is more important than what some people will think of me.
I've learned that I can live without many things but there are a few things, that my heart is aching for here. God has been showing me what is really important in my life. I spent so much time at home complaining about my family and my small town and my general life that I forgot to see how beautiful parts of it are.
I have some really really amazing friends at home. And rather than being with them, I spend a lot of time sitting around my apartment doing absolutely nothing. Jordan is one of the busiest people I know. She goes to school full time and works 30 hours a week. She is in one of the healthiest relationships I have ever seen, and she is usually up until 2 am working on homework for school. She has no time. And so I spend my days either at work, or alone. I haven't been able to find a church out here and I can feel the huge difference in myself from being away from the amazing church community I had at home.
God is redeeming my family. I can see it. It's happening so slowly that sometimes I loose hope and I give up, but God is showing me through my step dad that no one is too far to turn to Him. My parents have become different people in the last few months. Dave has started going to NAC on Sundays with my Mom, who recently connected with the leader of the drama department at NAC and is able to use her years of acting school to benefit the Kingdom. She feels fufilled and Dave can see the change in her. 5 years ago, I was the only Christian in a family full of people that mocked me for it every day. Today, two members of that family want to learn more, one gave her life to Christ and was baptised last summer, and I can see that Dave is finding God in his life.
I learned that I would rather sit in my old kitchen having late night conversations with my mom, than sit on my free couch in my nice apartment watching tv. I learned that something big is missing from my life when I don't have the oppurtunity to work with children. I learned that some friends are too valuable to leave behind, even when surrounded by other great friends. I learned that a real community is hard to find and worth fighting for. I learned that my life, for all the griping and whining I've done about it, is really pretty great at home. I learned that my heart won't be satisfied until I get my feet back on the ground in Africa, and there really aren't any substitutes for that.
It's funny that I was so stubborn that God needed to bring me all the way accross the country to realize these things. But I am so thankful that I finally listened to Him. At the risk of looking flaky, I am going to be moving home at the end of next month. I know an amazing family that is looking for a full time live in Nanny in Newmarket and I'm going to be looking for something similar. Its going to be important to have my own space after living on my own for 3 months, so I'm really looking forward to seeing what God provides.
The truth is that I've been feeling this call back to Ontario for a while and I ignored it because I was worried that people at home would think I was flaky, but I know that what's happening between me and God is more important than what some people will think of me.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
You're too nice..
Today at work, I was shelving a book called "Why Men Love Bitches". The book is about being less nice, because nice girls don't get the guy. This author has been unbelievable successful. When I was working at the spa back home, a few girls I worked with mentioned the book and one came to the conclusion that this was her problem, that she was too nice. I told her then that I didn't think there is such a thing, and most people just laughed and continued to talk about how awesome the book is.
The other day, someone told me that they were concerned about me. They meant it in a loving way, and I could see that, so I asked why. They told me that they felt that I was too nice and I didn't know how to stand up for myself. They had seen me yield to others in many different situations, and they essentially called me a doormat.
I'm trying to figure out where we got so lost and confused about what it means to be nice. It's not a bad thing. If only the world were full of more nice people. The last thing we need right now is more mean, ruthless people. Is this what they want from me?
For the record, I am nice. I like being nice. I like yielding to other people. I like letting my friends go ahead of me, and doing dishes for my friends, and making lunch for Jordan when she doesn't have time to make it for herself. I like doing those things, which, I guess, makes me nice. But people who have known me for a long time would tell you that I have no problem standing up for myself. Because of my lack of understanding in the area of forgiveness, it was easy for me to instantly retaliate. The girl I used to be would never let anything offensive walk by untouched. I know how to handle myself and I am certainly not a doormat. Unless I choose to be.
I think more than anything, this whole idea just makes me really sad for the people of the world, and even some of the people of God. Being mean, being hard and tough, and having a hard heart; these things don't protect you from anything. If anything they increase your hardships because if nothing can get in than nothing can get out either.
Weakness and kindness have nothing to do with each other. Maybe false kindness can be a bi product of weakness but that is an entirely different issue. Do not be fooled by the world into thinking that being nice is not good. If only we could recall that people who the world calls successful are far from it. Money can't change anything inside of a person, and so why do we envy their cruel personalities? Mean people aren't happy people. Don't adapt the traits that even they wish didn't belong to them.
I am soft. I let people push me aside from time to time. I silently bless people and I love every second of it. I have no money, but I have something so much more valuable. I have a relationship with the Most High, and I have love in my life. I am nice because I feel my God cheering me on when I am. They are hard because they aren't listening.
Don't close your ears to God and chase the loss of kindness in yourself. But rather turn a deaf ear to the world and listen to the voice of your creator cheering you on to be nice, to be a blessing, to be His.
The other day, someone told me that they were concerned about me. They meant it in a loving way, and I could see that, so I asked why. They told me that they felt that I was too nice and I didn't know how to stand up for myself. They had seen me yield to others in many different situations, and they essentially called me a doormat.
I'm trying to figure out where we got so lost and confused about what it means to be nice. It's not a bad thing. If only the world were full of more nice people. The last thing we need right now is more mean, ruthless people. Is this what they want from me?
For the record, I am nice. I like being nice. I like yielding to other people. I like letting my friends go ahead of me, and doing dishes for my friends, and making lunch for Jordan when she doesn't have time to make it for herself. I like doing those things, which, I guess, makes me nice. But people who have known me for a long time would tell you that I have no problem standing up for myself. Because of my lack of understanding in the area of forgiveness, it was easy for me to instantly retaliate. The girl I used to be would never let anything offensive walk by untouched. I know how to handle myself and I am certainly not a doormat. Unless I choose to be.
I think more than anything, this whole idea just makes me really sad for the people of the world, and even some of the people of God. Being mean, being hard and tough, and having a hard heart; these things don't protect you from anything. If anything they increase your hardships because if nothing can get in than nothing can get out either.
Weakness and kindness have nothing to do with each other. Maybe false kindness can be a bi product of weakness but that is an entirely different issue. Do not be fooled by the world into thinking that being nice is not good. If only we could recall that people who the world calls successful are far from it. Money can't change anything inside of a person, and so why do we envy their cruel personalities? Mean people aren't happy people. Don't adapt the traits that even they wish didn't belong to them.
I am soft. I let people push me aside from time to time. I silently bless people and I love every second of it. I have no money, but I have something so much more valuable. I have a relationship with the Most High, and I have love in my life. I am nice because I feel my God cheering me on when I am. They are hard because they aren't listening.
Don't close your ears to God and chase the loss of kindness in yourself. But rather turn a deaf ear to the world and listen to the voice of your creator cheering you on to be nice, to be a blessing, to be His.
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